Writer-Stop Comparing
Hey writer, don’t compare your writing to other writers.
Does anybody remember when we used to have to put up folders on our desks to block our papers from being viewed by other classmates? When I was in elementary school, we used them on tests to avoid cheating. Once I hit middle school, the folders seem to die out with the introduction of rows. When you have a classroom filled with rows of desks, it is easier to catch someone if they are cheating, more movement is involved.
That brings me to my next question, have you ever looked at someone’s answer for a question? Whether it was on purpose or accident, whether it was a homework assignment or a test, just think about a time where you saw other answers. If you looked at the answer before writing your own, did it change what you were going to put down originally? If you saw the answer after you did the question yourself, did it make you doubt your own answer?
My oldest son is in a phase where he judges everything based on my husband’s and my facial expressions. It usually happens when we are helping him with his homework. We will ask him a question, he starts to answer but looks at our faces and then BOOM, a different answer comes out. Sometimes, he’ll keep going. If he doesn’t see a change in facial expression, he’ll keep throwing out answers until we stop him. He would be terrible at Who Wants to be a Millionaire?. (does anybody remember that show?!) He wouldn’t be able to give a final answer. He would look at Regis Philbin’s* face and keep changing his mind. We’re working on this with him, how to not use our facial expressions as gauges to compare what answer is the right one. I asked my husband where he learned something like that. The idea of comparing which answer is the right one based on facial expressions.
After thinking about it though, don’t we all do that? Society is wired to constantly compare and that comparison has only magnified with social media. It might not be watching facial cues but I’m sure we’ve all done it. We all find ways to compare things and judge things against other things. As social media has exploded and become a need in many different aspects**, we have seen a lot good and bad that comes with social media. There have been books written and studies done that have shown links to social media and mental health issues.***
Social media has also increased our comparison game. We might even go on Instagram with the best intentions, to follow those we want to learn from, and then a few months later, we will (probably) find ourselves comparing them to ourselves. Then we have imposter syndrome or whatever other mental spirals that come with it. Thoughts like “I’ll never be as popular with readers as she is,” or, “Her book is so much better than mine, why even write it?”
I know, I’ve been there. I have compared my indie author journey against every indie author I have followed to learn from or have been friends with. Yes, my own friends. I would constantly ask myself what I needed to do so I could measure up like they do in the indie world. Truthfully, it got me nowhere because even though I am friends with these authors, we still write in different genres and have completely different lives, responsibilities, and goals when it comes to indie publishing.
We cannot play the comparison game with other writers because it will ultimately discourage us from writing. It will probably also discourage us from reading as well. I’ve talked about identity before but for a lot of writers, being a writer is their identity. It is part of who they are. I think this is where comparison comes in the hardest. The adjectives used to describe us cannot be where our identity is found because the second that adjective is taken away or is better defined through someone else, then we question everything about ourselves.
I’ve done this too. I am a writer, it’s something I love and something that I do. I love words and stories and I love writing out thoughts and ideas. Essays were my friend in college, not my enemy. However, if someone points out how J.K. Rowling is a writer or Emily Henry is a writer, I can instantly tell you that I’m not like them. If they are also classified as writers, does that make me less of a writer because I am not like them? No. It doesn’t.
Just like all rock bands are not the same, just like all artists are not the same, all writers are not the same. That is a good thing, if all writers were the same then we would all be writing the same books and there would be nothing interesting to read. We would have read it before.
I’ll take this a step further and remind you that there are no new ideas under the sun. Why do you think remakes are so popular or movies on book adaptions? There are new perspectives and new artistic directions but you can group everything in with something similar.
The difference with writers is that we can all write a rom-com story and while they would all be classified as rom-com, they would all be different stories because of the different people writing them. There is beauty in our differences and we cannot be comparing ourselves to each other as if we have to change.
Comparison just steals the love of writing from us. Plus, it doesn’t matter how big an author gets, there will be people who don’t read their book. But, those people who don’t read popular books might read your book. That’s the beauty of books and stories, there is a reader for it somewhere. You just have to find them.
So writer, don’t compare your writing to someone else. Don’t compare your book to someone else. There will always be similarities in books if you read enough of them. However, your story, your words, are unique to you and only you can write them.
So go out there and write.
*I know Regis passed in 2020. I know there have been other hosts of this show throughout the seasons but in my head, it is Regis who is hosting for my analogy.
** Social media is not a need. However, it is a need if you have a business, if you write books, if you want to have a platform, etc. Social media is not a need like water is a need but society has made it an integral part of our world.
*** Seriously, google social media + mental health and tons of articles pop up. Feel free to take a gander if you feel like it.
Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash