The Power of Hindsight
I used to be part of a small population in Vegas. I was one of the twenty-something percent that could call themselves a native. I was born and raised in Vegas and then I was figuring out adulthood in Vegas and then I was figuring out motherhood in Vegas.
My husband and I thought about, prayed about, and practically begged God to get out of Vegas. There had been many opportunities that made themselves known. Opportunities that seemingly fell into our lap. Some of them we sought out and applied for. Many of these opportunities were exciting, and something we thought would be good for us. As each opportunity came up and we prayed for it, there were many that appeared to be givens. The opportunity would pan out. Especially the ones that were falling into our laps. Those were opportunities we were picked for. We were asked to consider those opportunities and the moment we started to pursue it, to say yes, we assumed it was a done deal.
Spoiler: none of those opportunities worked out. The door would close—sometimes slam right in our face—at the last minute. While the initial emotion was disappointment, eventually relief would come. I loved the people in my community. I loved (most of them) the places we lived in. I loved our lives. While I wanted out of Vegas, I wasn’t sure I wanted to give up everything that came with Vegas. Instead, we decided to learn to love Vegas. To this day, I’m not sure if we ever loved Vegas. We did learn to be content in Vegas though.
In December of 2023, things changed and they changed quickly. For quick background, my husband works in transportation which is a very transient type of industry. My husband works for a sub-contractor type of company, which means that he needs to be where the contracts are. In Vegas, the bus system was undergoing a change of guard. The company my husband worked for (we will call them Company A) was not getting a new contract with Vegas. Instead, the contract had been awarded to Company B. At this time, my husband was in a position that wasn’t management. He would be able to just transfer into the new company with his same position. When the guard changed over the summer of 2023, my husband moved over and even got a promotion within a few months. Behind the scenes, people my husband worked with, whom he had friendships with were transferring to other contracts in different states. There were others who were moving to the recently awarded contract in Arizona.
I remember the idea of applying for Arizona being tossed to my husband a few times. I also remember really clearly when we sat in a car dealership buying a car when we both looked at each other—not even in the middle of a conversation, both of us going through our own separate thoughts—and saying that we were staying in Vegas. That moment was early September.
Now, back to December 2023. We were content, in fact, I would say mostly thriving. I say mostly because my youngest son’s health is something we are always navigating. We had a system. We both had jobs we loved. My oldest loved school and his friends and his basketball team. My youngest was adjusting to daycare / preschool. We were getting his asthma under control, even though he was still getting sick every month. Our spiritual health was decent—I was still studying my Bible daily, doing my yearly Bible reading plan. We were in church. We had our marriage mentors. In 2023, compared to 2020 or even 2021, I would say everything was great.
Until it wasn’t. There were some shifts at my husband’s job. Company B, had a vastly different approach, different values, and a contradictory ideology that was seeping into the company. It had started out slowly, a lie here or a lie there. Lies that came from high management and trickled down through lower management to my husband—lies that were affecting promised promotions and raises. There would be shifts in terms of hourly pay or set salary and after a month or so, it would have to change again. It was a roller coaster and it was one that we didn’t even realize we were on. I keep saying December of 2023 because that’s when it all came to a head. A lot of these small incidents happened over the span of a few months. God opened our eyes to the bigger picture, leading my husband to start seeking out other opportunities.
That’s when everything happened fast, my husband was offered a management position with the new contract Company A had been awarded after a day of pursuing possible leads. (It was also the only lead he pursued.) While we prayed about this decision, this position, and we asked our friends to pray alongside us, my husband knew with certainty and clarity that this was the move our family needed to make. Once he got the job offer, the pieces literally started putting themselves into place.
Every conversation my husband and I had, had us both on the same page. We were in agreement with everything. I was going to stay home, learn the area, and meet the community. Keeping the youngest out of day care was a huge priority. Every month had him on steroids and breathing treatments for a new virus he caught. This was a huge pivot, for both of us. There was no way I would be advocating for being a stay at home mom a few years ago. I needed to be around people. I needed adult conversation. I needed a job. A few years ago, my husband would have told you that I needed a job for the extra income. The fact that we were both in agreement, aligned will and desires, was a testament to God’s work in us but notably, in this move. We would make the sacrifices needed for me to stay home. We would keep our youngest out of daycare. I would be more available to my oldest and for the hobbies and sports he wanted to try.
The only downside was that my husband would be starting his new job within two weeks. He would have to move to Arizona two days after Christmas. He was able to stay with family, allowing us to save up the money for the move during the five months the boys and I would be in Vegas, finishing up the school year.
When the time for the move came, everything fell into place perfectly. It fell into place in a way that only could have been orchestrated by God. From finding our apartment, to figuring out what to keep and what to sell and what to donate, from extra visits from Russell throughout those months of separation. Everything was easy. Even the trials that popped up over those five months, there was peace. Our trust was in God and we were pursuing what God was doing in our lives and what he had next for our family.
The power of hindsight is finally understanding why those other opportunities didn’t work out, even the ones that were falling into our lap and seemingly designed for us. Those previous opportunities weren’t meant for us. Now, I know God’s will is powerful and God is sovereign, if we were meant to be in Arizona, I know he would have made it happen, even if we did end up in one of the other opportunities we tried to pursue. However, I don’t know if the growth would have been there. Arizona worked because it was God’s will but I also see His hand in the four years leading up to the move. The four years prior were years filled with harsh and difficult trials. They were filled with nights of endless crying and sadness. They were filled with despair and anxiety. There were so many unknowns and so much hurt that I didn’t see 2024 coming. If you had told me during those few years (2020-2022) what would be coming, that joy would be coming, I wouldn’t have believed you. I would have thought you were giving me something to make me feel good.
But God, my friends. I know there are reasons why God doesn’t give us the whole plan. I just never agreed with them. I used to pray constantly, begging God to give me the full plan. Just let me see where this leads, show me the picture, reassure me that this is worth it. Oh my gosh, I would pray things like that in the midst of the worst nights. I wanted to know that my pain, that the trial, would be worth whatever was going to come next. Was there good coming or was it going to be another trial?
That’s the power of hindsight. Hindsight shows us that the plan was always working itself out in God’s perfect will and timing. We don’t see the whole plan because in the midst of it, we wouldn’t believe it. In those days of trials and despair, I was clinging to God like a lifeboat. I learned true dependence on God. I don’t think I would have grown the same way if I knew what was going to come at the end of the hard season. Our knowledge of the outcome will change the path to get there. God already knows this though, that’s why we get everything in small steps.
Psalm 119:105 says, Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
Our guidance from God isn’t showing us the whole path. If we think about how much light a lightbulb gives off, there are still areas of darkness. Since I’m referencing a Psalm here, let’s take it back thousands of years. We’re probably talking about some type of fire lamp. In my experience, fire, while giving light, gives less light than a lightbulb. Even big bonfires, you can’t see far past the flames.
Which is the whole point. We aren’t meant to see the whole picture, we are meant to trust God in the steps we take down the path of pursuing Him and His kingdom. John MacArthur writes in his commentary that God’s Word provides illumination to walk without stumbling. [1] If we could see the whole plan, we would (probably) stumble in an attempt to get there faster. I know I (definitely) would.
Throughout the Bible, we are guided and reminded to focus on the day at hand. The things in front of us. The people near us and those we are encountering. It’s the small steps. We should be taking small steps, allowing for God’s Word to guide us and trusting God for what is coming up next.
I’m also thankful for the gift of hindsight, so I can remind myself where I’ve been, what I’ve gone though, and how God has held me through it all. Hindsight allows us to see a whole picture but instead of wishing we could have the whole picture in front of us, let’s use the full picture to remind ourselves how trustworthy God is.
References:
[1] John MacArthur, The MacArthur Bible Commentary: A Faithful, Focused Commentary on the Whole Bible (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, Inc., 2005), Pg. 681.