Biblical Forgiveness
Forgiveness is one of those concepts that has been ingrained into our brains as a society. Regardless of religious beliefs, we have been taught to forgive others. At least, it was when I was growing up. Looking around at society today, it seems as though grudge holding has become a sport. Our memories are short and long. They are short because of the media, we are constantly bombarded with scandal after scandal. We move on from one topic to the next quickly. They are long because we hold things from decades ago against people despite the time that has passed. The internet moves us along but reminds us at the same time.
There’s an old saying, forgive and forget. Yet, in our society today, we will verbally spout forgiveness all while holding onto whatever the thing is that needs forgiveness in an effort to not forget it. For some reason, over time, we have conflated forgivness and forgetting something as an invitation to allow people to keep hurting us.
I’m sure if I were to talk to people, I would hear story after story of people’s forgiveness being manlipulated and expected. I wouldn’t have to go far, this is probably a basic human experience. I wouldn’t even have to talk to other people because this is something that I’ve experienced. Throughout my life, I couldn’t trust people. I worked in opposition to forgiveness. It’s easier to forgive people when they couldn’t be close enough to hurt you. Then, when people did hurt me (or break a promise) I cut them from my life. There was no exceptions to this either, I would cut friend and family out as if it didn’t bother me.
Thankfully, as I have gotten older and started to follow Christ and gone through some sanctification, I look at forgiveness a whole different way. Turns out, the Bible has a lot to say about forgiveness. I’ve also learned that for most things the issue wasn’t that I was hurt, the issue was that I wanted the other person to hurt just as much. I wasn’t forgiving because I wanted vengeance. I wanted to defend myself. I wanted to be right. A lot of my unforgiveness was steeped in the idea that I could control things.
Well, I’ve spent ninety percent of my life learning and discovering that I cannot control anything. In fact, the list of things I can control is a very small list and even with that list, there’s some debate on the control.
There are a lot of verses in the Bible that talk about forgiveness. Most of them do stem from the new testament. Forgiveness is a heart matter. It goes deeper than following a set of rules. The Pharsiees were so good at creating rules around the commandments from God and ended up worshipping their rules more than they worshipped God. This is what Jesus was constnatly pointing to. The Pharsiees had hardened hearts. We are not meant to have hearts of stone.
Matthew 6:14-15 says: For if you forgive other people for their offenses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive other people, then your Father will not forgive your offenses.
Later in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus gives us the Golden Rule, treat others the way you want to be treated. (Matthew 7:12) It’s amazing how we expect to be forgiven by others while we still withhold our own forgiveness. If we are treating people the way we want to be treated, shouldn’t be forgive like we want to be forgiven?
In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus tells us point blank that God forgiveness is not an option. This isn’t an “oh, well I won’t forgive that so God can not forgive me for something.” Jesus already died. The price has already been paid. When we choose to follow Jesus, when we accept God’s forgiveness, that’s it. There is nothing else we can do, we are forgiven. It’s a state of being. Which means, we have to forgive like we have been forgiven. Holding grudges isn’t a luxury that Christians get.
Forgiveness is something that we do. Biblical forgiveness is forgiving those who wrong us. We do not seek vengeance or to get even. We do not wish to the same pain on those who have hurt us. If we are forgiven, we forgive. It’s as simple as that.
The thing about forgiveness is that it isn’t about us. The pain and the hurt is about us and that is what makes us think we get to decide how we forgive those who hurt us. We’re missing the forest for the trees when we hold onto those grudges though. Nobody can hurt us as much as we have sinned against God.
Biblical forgiveness is not about us. It is about realizing that we’re sinners and God forgave us. We are forgiven, so we forgive. This is easier said than done though. Our heart is decietful and our emotions try to reign control.
The first step is letting go and realizing that you cannot control anything. You cannot control people, what they say, how they feel (we can barely control our own emotions), or what happens in the world.
The second step is looking up and “giving it to God.” Remembering that God is in control takes the pressure off of us. When it is hard to forgive someone, ask God to soften your heart, to open it to forgiveness.
The third step is moving on. I’m not saying that you have to constantly allow people to hurt you because you forgave them. Boundaries are healthy and you can forgive and then set boundaries. The point is that you’re not holding onto the hurt in your heart and using it as a justification for your actions. Boundaries are for patterns, not for mistakes.
Christians, we need to be forgiving the way the Bible tells us to forgive. We should not be forgiving as the world tells us to forgive. The world has a history of holding grudges.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash